advice and applications

A couple of weeks ago I had a visit with the head pastor at our church.  During said visit he gave me some advice for what we have been struggling with and to be quite honest I don't know how to make it all work.  He gave me some great advice, don't misunderstand me!  I just don't know that I'm implementing it in the way he meant.  And I wish Chad would notice the things I've tried so hard to follow through on per the preachers advice.  Ha! 

The advice he  gave me first was to pray each morning over the fruits of the spirit.  I have done so for the most part.  On days I was in a rush it ended up being more like, "Hey, God!  Ya know that passage in the New Testament with all those little words that have big impacts?  Please let me be an example of them today in our marriage. Thanks!"  but... other mornings it was a bit more thoughtful, I promise.  I have noticed a few areas of my attitude are much better than they were before and am happy to report that we actually went 3 days in a row without getting in a tiff about anything.  Progress!

Patience is my big problem.  I get so angry when he tells me he forgot something.  Bless his heart he forgets everything yet refuses to write anything down!  I am sure if I don't remind him Sunday night and when I get up Monday morning, he will forget to drive to post for his dental appointment.  Not usually a big deal, but he's missed it 2 times already...

I also have this awful sharp tongue.  I need it to not be that way.  I say things before I've fully thought them through and of course this is not helpful to whatever situation we are in.  I don't say nasty things, just the things you shouldn't really say.  I get it that sometimes truth hurts, but at the same time, I shouldn't have said certain things.  This continues to be a problem, but it is getting better.

He also told me to be more positive with Chad and make sure to be giving him praise when it's due.  I feel silly about this one because I already say thank you for the little things he does at the house.  It just gets overwhelming coming in from a long day split between work and class to see his empty drink bottles on the table, his clothes all over the living room and empty wrappers all over the place... I want to yell.  So instead, I thank him for being home.  LOL I know that sounds dumb, but I thank him for being home and putting the toilet seat down and putting his dishes in the sink and for running the dishwasher and putting his shoes away (instead of leaving them in the middle of the floor for me to hurt myself on!).  I am really trying and it is hard some days to try to stay positive, but I'm trying. 

He told me to not pray for Chad that Chad would change, but for myself. To pray that I be the woman/wife/friend he needs right now.  But that wasn't anything new, I've been doing that since we got married! 

There were a few other things he mentioned, but to be quite honest I don't feel like putting those there because they aren't appropriate.  One thing he did say that I will mention is that I just need to keep trying to love him through this.  It made me remember the Love & Friendship class I'd taken one semester.  A term 'standing in love' was introduced to me there and I'm fairly certain I wrote a post about it here before. 

Our relationship is so different than most, but altogether the same.  We struggle to blend.  We struggle to fully consider the other person.  We struggle to put our selfishness aside and do for the we instead of the me.  We hurt each others feelings.  We push the other one away.  But that doesn't mean we can't make it.  I love my husband and will stand next to him through the darkest days and roughest nights because that's what a wife does.  And all I can do is hope that he feels as strongly about it as I do and does the same for me.  We need reminders once in a while of what we have, what it was like without it, to make us appreciate it.  But I never want to lose it.  We have been through too much to let anything tear us apart now.  And we've only been married 17 months! 

All I know is that I'm bound and determined to not give up.  We've had a lot of struggles these last couple months and I continue to see some big struggles in our near future.  But I will do everything in my power to make us work and keep us together.