babies

Goodness gracious. It seems like everytime I turn around I am seeing babies, pregnant women, women telling me that they just found out their preggers or there is something on TV about pregnant women.... I know it's spring and all, but sheesh!

It doesn't help that I think deep down, the hubby wants kids soon.  LOL He will deny it and say that we've only talked about it because I brought it up someway, but he seems to have forgotten that he is the one bringing it up all the time.  Which I think is cute.  I am glad my husband wants to be a daddy one day.  And I am sure he will be a great one.  :)

I truly hope that it is in God's plan for us to be parents.  I hope we get to be parents of children we have made, but at the same time, any children would be a blessing.  Since I was a young girl I have dreamed of adopting a child.  When I was in grade school I read a LOT.  I've referenced my childhood here many a time, we didn't have cable and we weren't really allowed to watch much TV and we didn't have many video games or movies. That being said, I read a LOT growing up.  One book I read was called Baby.  I will be honest, what first drew me to the book was it's cover.  It was a beautiful scene of long grass blowing in the wind, beautiful blue skies, and a basket with a faded red blanket and a baby inside.  I remember staring at the cover.  I had/have a very large imagination and could feel the breeze and smell the wheat and hear the baby.  I wanted that book.  I remember reading it all in one night.  I couldn't put it down.  Basically the book was about this family in the plains who one day just finds a baby on their doorstep.  How they take it in, love it, and it becomes their baby.

Then, one day at Brownies they told us that one of the girls in our troop was adopted.  I had no idea!  The parents of the children, did their best to adopt children from a Native American background.  That was where their first adopted child had come from, and they made sure to keep them involved and educated in that as much as possible, so it would be easier to have children from the same cultural group.  I was amazed.  Truly. 

A few years later I saw the movie Hook for the first time.  It didn't really talk about adoption, but orphaned boys. It broke my heart that they had been abandoned for one reason or  another and that Wendy was the only one to care for them.  My parents were polite and never laughed to me when I would tell them that when I grew up I wanted to either teach orphans or work at an orphanage as a nurse.  That was my dream.  I wanted to live in the mountains somewhere and work at an orphanage.  This was my dream for years.

As I grew older I realized that there is so much more that goes into an adoption than I had known.  First, there is all that money!  Becoming an adoptive parent is not a cheap thing to do!  Then there's the whole adoption process!  In KY the biological mother has up to 2 years to change her mind, 72 hours to give away her baby with no questions asked, but 2 whole years to re-nig on an adoption.   I think in OH it's only 72 hours to change her mind, and I'm not sure about other places.  But this is such a stressful time-frame!  Imagine, you have gone x number of months planning on finally getting a baby of your own and then the mother changes her mind in the 11th hour.. Heartbreaking.  And this, unfortunately is statistically how it happens. It breaks my heart to think of all the unwanted children born in the entire world, not just our country.  Or the children that are born to parents that in all honesty would be great parents if they knew what they were doing, but they have no way of being taught or don't want to learn and have their children taken away.  There are so many people that would love to have children, but can't.  And you have other people wanting to waste their kids lives away.  Breaks my heart.

That's like this whole teen mom plague that is going around. There is nothing wrong with abstinence! but if you refuse to tell your kids they can't have sex or shouldn't, then teach them how to not get pregnant! TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT PROTECTION for goodness sakes!!!!!!  They are going to get their information somewhere, would you rather it be you? or their friend at school?

But these girls need someone. Someone to care, someone to show them right from wrong and help them get it.  Get that a baby is not an accessory.  It KILLS me when people want to show off their kids but don't want anything to do with them afterwards.  I'm sorry, child, but you got you a baby.  You don't get to go get yourself all that crap you used to.  You don't get to just sit and watch your TV all the time.  Get over it!  You had approximately 9 months to accept that change. Either make the change or let someone be the parent you don't want to be. Then move on.

 I know their are many adoptable babies out there, but there are many, many more that need loving homes.   My heart hurts when I think of the children who don't get a hug and kiss before they go to bed.  The children that don't hear a heartfelt "I love you". The children who are abused in any sense of the word.  And the children that are just scared.  I cry thinking about it.  I cry thinking about it when I remember the friends I've had who have lost babies, or can't have babies. 

It's not even that I don't understand why God lets that all happen.  I get that I will never understand.  I don't know that I've ever actually asked Him why.  Frankly, it doesn't matter.  I would cry either way.  My heart would break either way.

All I know, is one day I want to be a loving mother to a child.  Every child deserves someone to love them unconditionally.  I hope to one day be that for someone.  I look forward to the sound of little feet, of doing family vacations even though the kids want to go with their friends to some awesome beach or something. I look forward to embarrassing them by being myself.  But hopefully, that will give them the courage to be themselves one day.  I know that is rambly... but I am sure that you know what I mean.  I love children.  I want to have them in my life.  Whether it's only through work, or God blesses me with children of my own.  I see them in my life.  And I'm good with kids... for the most part.  LOL :) But people who aren't of the same feelings there break my heart.